For the 1st time in my 30 years on this planet.. I have a routine..I am slightly organized (SLIGHTLY) ..I don't forget my vitamins and I gave up drinking ...well except for wine and the occasional beer , well beer is good for milk production.. so there. I only allow myself one (alcoholic) drink now and I have limited my caffeine and my artificial sweetener intake. I only eat fish once per week and no fresh tuna at all. I only eat whole grains and make sure to drink plenty of water and milk.. wow.. who am i ??
Is this the same girl who partied like every weekend in her early 20s? the same girl that never drank water.. only diet Pepsi and starved herself for entire seasons ?? who tanned on the regular...(well I'm from NJ..what do you expect?)
I have become someone I never thought was possible.. A selfless...caring ...health conscious super mom.
I have this little bundle of fat rolls,gummy smiles and dirty diapers.. that I take care of .. and that I put in front of EVERYTHING else.. she is the one thing in the world.. that I would do ANYTHING for .. :)
Crazy how a selfish , looks obsessed girl turned into this woman.. a mother..
I spend most of my days tending to my little princess boogie bear ..feeding her, loving her, teaching her, cuddling her..changing her diapers ...pumping and pumping and pumping milk for her..
And would I change any of this? NO.. NEVER.
I am definitely not the same person I once was and that's awesome. It's like I am who I was supposed to always be.. I never even planned on having children.. and here I am feeling like the luckiest .. most blessed person in the world. And I have never been one for religion.. but now I find myself needing and believing ..more than ever.
It's like up until you have a baby.. you are you.. but not the total you.. not until you become a mother are you actually who you are supposed to be. As I see other mothers.. some not as motherly as they should be and some down right evil and should not be able to conceive.. I feel this lump in my throat.. this love for the children of these inadequate (to say the least) mothers .. it really sickens me..
And...I now know what women that can't have children yearn for..
And when I watch the news..my heart breaks now. It's like once you become a mother (well for most people) you do everything as a mother now.. everything seems a little more close to home and you start to see the world a lot more differently..
All my old views seem a little silly now...My beliefs are now based on whats best for Emma.. not what's best for me or anyone else. As I welcome some unsolicited advice..some I take to heart others...I take with a grain of salt and a thank u but no thanks smile, I do appreciate all the support I have gotten from family and friends.. and since I know some pretty awesome mommies..I think I get pretty great advice.. MOST of the time ;)
So I will continue to document all of my thoughts along my journey .. the journey to becoming a new supermom.
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