What to do when you trade lattes in for chamomile tea, trading your xanax in for.. again chamomile tea?

So we are at 11 weeks.. Emma has been on this earth for 11 weeks, I have been a mommy for 11weeks.
For the 1st time in my 30 years on this planet.. I have a routine..I am slightly organized (SLIGHTLY) ..I don't forget my vitamins and I gave up drinking ...well except for wine and the occasional beer , well beer is good for milk production.. so there. I only allow myself one (alcoholic) drink now and I have limited my caffeine and my artificial sweetener intake. I only eat fish once per week and no fresh tuna at all. I only eat whole grains and make sure to drink plenty of water and milk.. wow.. who am i ??
Is this the same girl who partied like every weekend in her early 20s? the same girl that never drank water.. only diet Pepsi and starved herself for entire seasons ?? who tanned on the regular...(well I'm from NJ..what do you expect?)
I have become someone I never thought was possible.. A selfless...caring ...health conscious super mom.
I have this little bundle of fat rolls,gummy smiles and dirty diapers.. that I take care of .. and that I put in front of EVERYTHING else.. she is the one thing in the world.. that I would do ANYTHING for .. :)
Crazy how a selfish , looks obsessed girl turned into this woman.. a mother..
I spend most of my days tending to my little princess boogie bear ..feeding her, loving her, teaching her, cuddling her..changing her diapers ...pumping and pumping and pumping milk for her..
And would I change any of this? NO.. NEVER.
I am definitely not the same person I once was and that's awesome. It's like I am who I was supposed to always be.. I never even planned on having children.. and here I am feeling like the luckiest .. most blessed person in the world. And I have never been one for religion.. but now I find myself needing and believing ..more than ever.
It's like up until you have a baby.. you are you.. but not the total you.. not until you become a mother are you actually who you are supposed to be. As I see other mothers.. some not as motherly as they should be and some down right evil and should not be able to conceive.. I feel this lump in my throat.. this love for the children of these inadequate (to say the least) mothers .. it really sickens me..
And...I now know what women that can't have children yearn for..
And when I watch the news..my heart breaks now. It's like once you become a mother (well for most people) you do everything as a mother now.. everything seems a little more close to home and you start to see the world a lot more differently..
All my old views seem a little silly now...My beliefs are now based on whats best for Emma.. not what's best for me or anyone else. As I welcome some unsolicited advice..some I take to heart others...I take with a grain of salt and a thank u but no thanks smile, I do appreciate all the support I have gotten from family and friends.. and since I know some pretty awesome mommies..I think I get pretty great advice.. MOST of the time ;)
So I will continue to document all of my thoughts along my journey .. the journey to becoming a new supermom.

Love @ first sight .xooxox

After an intense 22 hours.. 2 doses of pain meds thru my epidural.. bags and bags of pitocin .


We welcomed Emma Jo  into the world on January 7, 2011 3:10 am.. she was 6 lbs and 8 oz and was 19.5 inches long.


     So what now?? I am a mommy.. I have a daughter.. As I am holding her for the first time all I could do was tell her I love her.. and that she looked like a glow worm and how cute and little she was. The thought of them taking her to the NICU scared me to death. When they took her from me I didn't even know how much she weighed or anything yet.. they had to take her right up to her room in NICU for 8 hours of observation..I held it together at first , I don't think I realized how hard it was gonna be to go back to my room without her.. I went to visit her in NICU and meet her nurse and they explained to me that they had to observe her and make sure she didn't develop any complications, her heart rate dropped during my labor.. I was running a fever.. the cord was wrapped around her neck.. there really wasn't a dull moment in those 22 hours, so they had to keep her for now..once i saw her in her room with all the wires and machines hooked up to her and i had to leave her to go back to my room.. it hit me.. this was MY baby and I had to leave her...


The next 8 hours lasted an eternity.. I slept about 45 minutes at the most that day. I waited so impatiently for them to bring her into me.. she came in to me around noon that day. 


We stay in the hospital til that following Monday ..then FINALLY we get to bring our baby girl home!!


And then the adventure begins..  

What's a better present for your 30th than your water breaking? Welcome to the world Emma.. part 1

REWIND!!

It's January 5, 2011 , 11:11 pm ...I am getting up to pee(big surprise) at this point of my pregnancy.. I am done.. stick a friggin fork in me I AM DONE.. so what my belly button hasn't completely popped out like a turkey timer..I am still SO done with all of this.. I am now 37 weeks pregnant and Emma is a watermelon..and it sure feels like a watermelon is sitting on my bladder! For the last couple weeks I have been having slightly elevated BP..so as a precaution.. my obgyn ordered me a 24 urine collection to check to make sure I didn't have protein in my urine which would basically be a sign that I had developed preclampsia (i have probably butchered the spelling...) I had to go to the ER a couple days earlier because of a spike in my BP.. I was there for a couple hours.. my BP had went down to normal and they monitored Emma while I was there.. the gave me big bottles to collect my pee in for the next 24 hours. It just so happens that the 24 hour mark would be the morning of my 30th birthday, which I could not think of a better way to spend my birthday than dropping off my pee @ a lab..but anyway back to my story.. My 37 wk US is scheduled for January 7, 2010 ..I can't wait, They are gonna check and see if I am dialated and checking to see if Emma is breech or not. 

So I'm laying in bed.. dreading having to pee again and collect it and pour it into the jug..I glance up @ the clock.. its 11:11..make a wish..your whole life you are led to believe that you always wish @ 11:11 ..its just the american thing to do ...after the neverending heartburn...the swollen ankles and feet..the fear of developing a dangerous and scary condition ...the frequent trips to the bathroom..worry about Emma constantly.. counting her movements obsessively..I have decided to wish my pregnancy away.. I make a wish.. I don't exactly remember how I worded it.. but it was along the lines as.. please I don't want to do this anymore.. I just want Emma to be a healthy baby .. and I don't want to be pregnant anymore..So I head to the bathroom for my millionth pee of the night.

head back to bed.. I am sure I got up after that to pee... of course I did.. 

But the next thing I recall.. Its around.. I would say 4:30 ish in the am..  and I am awaken by a strange feeling in my belly.. felt like something in my belly dropped.. I immediately felt my belly and I felt Emma moving , so I said to myself..she's moving she's okay and i fell back asleep..about 30 min later.. I awake to liquid gushing out of me.. it takes me a couple seconds for me to grasp what is happening.. I flash back to an article I read.. How to dicipher between peeing yourself and your water breaking.. It said to try and stop the flow.. well... this flow wasnt stopping...

So of course the first thing Bradley asks me is "are you sure you didnt pee yourself?"....of course he would ask that..so I then convince him I haven't peed the bed.. I call my dr.. trying to remain as calm as possible.. as I pack my bag and cry because I didn't clean the house.. the carpets weren't cleaned..I thought I still had weeks to prepare..nope.. she's coming .. now.. on my 30th birthday.. just my luck.

wait... did that 11:11 wish work? 

and of course.. my water broke.. and Bradley has to stop @ dunkin donuts on our way to the hospital..

only my husband.. 

(to be continued )

That new baby scent: A new mom's owner's manual - Chapter 1 "The 1st day of the rest of your life "

A little about me..

I am 30 years old, first time mommy and have been married almost a year now . Wow.. weird to say I am a wife and a mommy .. getting used to being called "Mrs. Stepp" has been weird enough.. but now I am called "mommy" (not by Emma yet of course .. only in the form of coos and smiles ) .. my life has changed so much within the past year in the best..most amazing ways possible. 

When I first found out I was pregnant ::::::::::

Mood: Scared to death...

        Well I had just gotten married was down to the size I always wanted to be..adjusting to being married and enjoying newlywed status..hence.. getting pregnant  (sorry emma if you are reading this ) :-O

I missed my period.. and just felt "different" .. it was a feeling that I had never felt before.. something was off.. something was different.. it didn't feel wrong.. just different. I told Bradley and he kept insisting I wasn't pregnant and that I would get my period ... I just had to relax and wait.. 

Well I wasn't buying it.. I knew deep in my gut that.. I was baking a baby in there.. in the oven if you will

Without Bradley being the wiser, I stopped @ Wegmans on my way home from work one day.. As I walked thru Wegmans.. there seemed to be 1.5 mill babies in the store that day.. and they were all crying..I found that to be a "sign" of what was to come. I proceed to the feminine product aisle.. I learn that there are alot of different pee sticks available for my peeing pleasure.. I grab a box of 2..just because you just never know.

On the way home I was super anxious and scared to death.. I stuff the tests in my coach bag and as I come in the house I head straight to the bathroom for the moment of truth.. 

A couple moments later.. a plus sign.. yep.. its a plus sign.. I then confirmed the plus sign with Bradley.. well ya know the commercial says 1 in 5 women misread the test (which are very sad statistics..)

"What do I do now?" I remember asking Bradley ..seemed like the most practical question @ the time. 

He pauses for a second ..looks up from his video game & says.. "Well you call a doctor"

At this moment ... my gyno was on my sh*t list... for never calling in my birth control ..so I had to find a new dr..pronto...So i start dialing.. I found a dr! success!! So the appointment is made.. what?!?! I have to wait til AFTER our honeymoon to confirm this ?!!?!? pure torture.. 

So while I am wearing my new $100 bikini on the beach.... I can only imagine.. this is my last time in this bathing suit... I  knew I shouldn't have splurged on this ..hello stretch marks next summer.

After we returned home.. a couple days later I saw the dr.. blood tests..then finally my first US.. I got to hear my little baby's heartbeat for the 1st time.. Somehow.. now its all a little more real 

Mood: too many to list 

Lots of gummy smiles , a little note to my Emma.

March 22, 2011

Emma you will be 11 weeks on friday.. time has went by so fast.. seems like only yesterday it was the morning of my 30th birthday and I was awaken by a gush ... my water broke in bed at approx. 5am on January 6, 2011.
You are too young to realize now that your birthday is the day after mommy's..we almost shared a birthday.. but I think you wanted your own birthday !

Mommy has decided to dedicate this blog to you.. I thought it would be a great way to keep everyone updated with news on you and also be a great way to document your early years so you can read it when you are older..

I am gonna try and update this as much as possible.. although you keep me super busy most of the time. However, I do have to say.. you are the most pleasant baby I ever met .. You are constantly smiling and are always so content.. Mom mom says its because you are loved very much by your family and I think that makes sense.

You can now hold your head up pretty well...You have slept thru the night for me 2 times now.. it was pretty nice..but even when you keep me up.. I dont seem to mind though.. like I thought I would.. I cherish the time we spend together even if its at 1am haha.

You are awake now.. content in your bassinet..talking to your seahorse ..

Its 12 am now.. I am going to try and get you to sleep.
Love you boogiebear.